Emotion (Episode 3)
He had just come to drop a message for me about the bible study, I chuckled and promise to do justice to it, we discussed for a while but my mind was far away, I managed to answer him and I was praying for him to go soon. He left and I went back to my bed, could this be lust? I asked myself, but I never feel any sexual desire, I only feels I could be loved by him, right there I went on my knees to pray. As I knelt, I remembered the word "if I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened" I quickly changed my prayer point, I knew something was wrong with me, but I couldn't not fathom it.
Everyone knows Victoria to be nosy in class, but today was a different story. I sat at the corner of the lecture room, dropped my head on the desk as if I was meditating but deep within me, I was lost in thought "how could I have allowed lust to take over me, I said. I quickly dash through my dictionary to see the meaning of lust but it was a different thing entirely to what was wrong with me, I removed my heart, clean it and return it back. Though it was not obvious, I was active and vibrant as ever in church but anytime I see France, my heart beats fast.
I managed to finish the lecture for that day, though half of what the lecturer said was waved away.
It was a 20 minutes walk from the school gate to my house, I walked fast as my legs could carry me because I need to see Grace, I thought if I tell her what am passing through, she might be of help.
Unfortunately, Grace was not at home, then I changed my mind not to tell Grace, how would Grace take this, being the bible study secretary complicate the whole issue for me, she won't expect me to be like this, haven't I being meditating on my bible daily? I ponder to find solution for myself.... France would have to give me a little space, may be if I maintain a gap, I would be free but is this so visible?
Just wait and see the outcome of this....
After the executive meeting on thursday, I could not wait for Grace because I had to finish up my project assignment. As I walked pass a bar along my house, I heard someone calling out my name Sis. Victoria! Sis. Victoria!!...I paused to see who was calling, it was Bro. Joel.
Bro Joel is one of the fellowship brother, he joined the fellowship in his final year in school, very vibrant and well known, though I do not like him for his seriousness, he takes things to spiritual. I don't even think he can get married, he had better go and be a reverend father I said to myself. As he walked up to me, he reached out his hand to me for a shake, surprised that so called holy and spiritual Bro. Joel can shake a sister, I shaked him and we got talking, though all of his talks was more of sermon to me not until he asked about my marital life, I looked at him with that unconcerned face and was forced to reply him with a negative answer.
He was not even moved with my answer, he continued talking and ended his statement with God will help you so he went his way.
I was annoyed and said to myself who would have help me If not God? It would have been better if it was France, I said.
.....It was so hard for me to bring up a fight between I and France, at a point I got confused if I was the only one feeling the way I felt but his moves and attitude towards me gave me a rest, I thought he was interested in me but you know how brothers play their smartness with sisters but it was all lie.
Sooner, we graduated from school and we had to go our ways. Oh, I missed Grace but I never lost her contact and that of France. I had my NYSC in Lagos, France redeployed in order to maintain his father's company back in lagos, Grace was in Benin state. I wasn't growing younger so I had to be serious with my marital issue, I started praying but deep down within me will not stop thinking about France, talk of the type of man I want, he was up to the task so I stopped praying and expecting France proposal.
I was coming from where I work when I got a call from Joel, I never knew he still has my contact, he wanted to see me and I fixed an appointment with him hoping to hear what the news would be.
On a Saturday morning, I got dressed up and set to see Joel, we met at a restaurant not too far to my place of work.... Hmmmmm, something captivated me about Joel, he had changed totally, charming and attractive, he was not the same Bro. Joel I used to know, I admired his beaming smile carved with his dazzling teeth.....oh...., I was lost until Joel touched my hand, I managed to smile and give an affirmative sign to what he have been saying, he gave series of confirmations God told him about me, he was plain in his statements, not those too spiritual proposal, he said "I love you Victoria and I wish to spend the rest of my life with you" right there, I knew I was not faithful with God in the place of my waiting and hearing from him....
Hmmmmm what do I do?
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